From One Widow to Another by Miriam Neff

Author:Miriam Neff [Neff, Miriam]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 978-1-57567-303-5
Publisher: Moody Publishers
Published: 2009-01-15T00:00:00+00:00

MYTH # 3: All types of friends have your best interests at heart.

There are at least three different words in Scripture that are all translated into the English word friend.

Philos (noun) one who loves, as in Proverbs 17:9, 18:24

Hetairos (noun) a comrade/companion/partner, as in Proverbs 18:24

Peitho (verb) to persuade, influence, as in Proverbs 14:20 (one who uses another for their interests)10

Our philos friends love us. They are willing to swallow our less-than-perfect behavior and protect our reputation. They love us unselfishly, without an agenda, and they just keep showing up. I am humbled and undeserving of the way some of my friends have stepped into my world, into the shattered mess of my grieving, and found ways to bring laughter. They find a way to make us look good when we don’t care.

May I digress with a personal example? I had friends who literally took it upon themselves to make me look good when I did not care. Due to the nature of my husband’s illness, amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, a three-year period of my life moved into a cloud with only one goal—to walk beside my husband through his valley and bring to his life as much quality, peace, and joy as I could. Taking care of myself was not on the “to-do” list.

In timing that I yet do not understand, he exited this world for heaven three months before my contractual, scheduled retirement after twenty-six years counseling in public high schools. By contract, I needed to return to work five days after his celebration/funeral. Needless to say, one very numb person made her way into her office and went through the motions of her last months of work. To my dismay, there were numerous retirement events that I needed to show up for. I knew if I did not make an effort to be there that I would later regret missing these occasions. Now this may sound quite trivial to you, but I had nothing to wear, and it kind of mattered. My size had changed, larger, of course, and everything I owned was old. My tenacious couple friends Steve and Carol met me at a restaurant (that in and of itself was a treat) with two large Chico boxes in the booth. Can you imagine friends who give you a total outfit with various tops that make you look good? Can you imagine a flattering jacket covered with parrots? How could I help but smile in my new clothes? Let me tell you, the pictures of me at the functions with my friends and family are the best rendition of me that was possible, given the circumstances. Now, beyond real is the fact that they also added to my ensemble at Christmas. I had something for every occasion because of my philos—ones who love—friends.

Our hetairos friends are partners on the same mission as we are. If we continue to care about the same things we did when we were a couple, these friends persist. Often, those causes are no longer so important to us.

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